My Cathouse Design

You've see those carpet and tube forms sold in all of the pet stores for cats to climb and play upon?  Well, I wanted to design something more sophisticated, so here is my CatHouse design.  This one looks like a brick townhouse.  The first level secretly hides the litter box, the second level houses the food and water bowls, and the other two levels are just for play.  (All Rights Reserved by Sebastian Barrett St.Troy)

I learned a new word, Meningioma

How is one supposed to react to hearing a new word?  Depending on your educational level, you might be able to determine some sort of meaning or relationship of the new word.  Now, what if that new word was also accompanied with, “…it’s a non-cancerous type of brain tumor”?  Whatever the word was, there doesn’t seem to be enough focus to concentrate on the actual word; the only thought being, “brain tumor.”  Just how big is 12mm?  After catching your breath, the other questions begin to surface. 

What did you say it was called?

How do you spell it?

What does this mean?

What happens now?

I learned a new word yesterday, Meningioma.  I also learned that 12mm is just under ½ of an inch; a measurement that doesn’t seem all that big.  After spending most of the afternoon researching this new word, contemplating its relationship to my well-being, and recognizing my role in the how and why it is now part of my being and vocabulary, I am nervous, a bit scared, somewhat relieved, anxious.  OK, so I have a small brain tumor called a Meningioma; at least I know why my hearing has decreased so rapidly, why there have been strange headaches, why I often am off-balance when walking, why there have been times of disorientation, why I struggle with memory.  I’m thankful for the E.N.T. Doctor that didn’t just dismiss my hearing loss as age and ordered the MRI.  I’m thankful that I know what is causing the problems.  I’m thankful for friends, as for the first time in my life I didn’t keep this to myself, I talked about it.  Normally I would have kept this information to myself, dealt with it all quietly, and produced some sort of excuse as to why I wasn’t available. 

I’ve never believed that I should trouble friends or family with my personal health issues, and have countless times kept things away from them, only revealing the situation after the fact.  Perhaps I’m growing, becoming more consciously aware of the importance of friends and being able to honestly talk about the things that strongly impact my life.  This time, it was important to inform my new business partner and co-author, as I felt she needed to know what was happening and could prepare for any outcomes.  This time, I wasn’t concerned about just myself.  This time, there is the realization of the gift I can give of truth that allows for friends to give the gift of themselves.  I’m thankful for the events of yesterday, the learning of the new word, the phone calls with my father, the conversations with friends, and the knowledge that there was actually something causing my health issues and that I wasn’t going crazy.

The journey now begins; another one that deals with my brain.  I’m the creative mind, the dreamer, the visionary, the one that sees what can be; so when there are challenges that deal with my brain, I am always a bit on edge.  I greatly enjoy my mind, how it processes information, how it connects to other realms, and how it allows for the enjoyment of this life.  The bull-riding injury to my head (with 32 stitches from the eyebrow down over the eye and into the right ear.), the Neuro-syphilis, and now a Meningioma, have all been challenges that I’ve dealt with in various ways.  This will be a new adventure, one of unknown outcomes.  For now, this new adventure has my emotions whirling, my thoughts reeling, and my ears tearing.  I have no idea of what to expect next, all I know for now is that I have to talk with the E.N.T. doctor on Monday and that he is going to refer me to a specialist.  From my research and my positive MRI experiences, I’m hoping to be able to have this adventure include St.David’s Neuro Texas Institute here in Austin.  I like the new Sports Medicine Doctor, Dr. Burris, associated with St.David’s Healthcare; I was very pleased with the kind, informative, assistive, and educated people at St.David’s when I was there for my knee and head MRIs.  I’m sure that the Neuro Texas Institute will hold up to the St.David’s experience thus far.

At this moment, I’m preparing for various outcomes and believing for the best.  It might take some time, but I know that this new adventure will lead me to the place and people I’m meant to be and meet.  Although I might be sad at the moment, there is a funny excitement – I learned a new word, Meningioma.

Thought for Today:  What challenges have you faced in your life and how do you deal with them?  Do you develop the victim mentality or choose to accept your role in the challenge and allow growth and change to take you into something greater?

Lessons I learned from Dogs.

I love animals and have always been blessed with the gift of having a strong connection with them, that person that animals are attracted to.  Lately, I have often pondered why my roommate’s dogs seem to desire to spend their time with me, sleeping with me, responding easier to me, loving me.  Yesterday, as I was talking with Toby, the words freely flowed from the realm of the unconscious into thought and words.  I call him Old Man, but he is only 10 months old, is a rescue/foster dog hurt by a car and has difficulty using his back legs.  He sleeps with me regularly now, and has the eyes of an old soul.  I was a bit surprised, having to stop for a moment to listen to the words I spoke to him, as I asked why he and the other dog, Arianna, desired to hang out with me so much.  These are the lessons I’m learning from dogs:

• We all want to be loved, petted, and hang around those that express love and concern for us.
• I should be more loyal and trusting of the people in my life.
• I should express unconditional love to those around me.
• We all need some discipline and structure in our lives in order to feel secure and know our place.
• I should gently stroke my friends, giving praise and encouragement.
• I should protect my home and my friends.
• We all enjoy social interaction and having fun, being able to play.
• I should seek assistance when I really need it.
• I should express my emotions in ways that communicate them effectively.

These are the lessons I realized yesterday from hanging out with the dogs.  I’ve always had an infinity with, a love for, and an uncanny communication ability with animals of all sorts.  As I remember back, I was the one that could establish a relationship with the unruly horses; perhaps it is because I understood that one should never try to break another’s spirit in order to control them, to instead seek to develop and encourage their free spirits and allow a natural partnership to develop through trust.  It has always been a bit strange that various animals have found their way to me over the years, from that little new born puppy that walked over a mile to sleep on my front door step, that little kitten that fell inside a wall next to a person’s desk that would bring them to me for care, and that one horse that everyone said was crazy but walked right up to me.  I miss you Peppy Joe Rose, my horse from days past.  I do so miss the horses in my life, especially Fanny Marie Lee, the buckskin horse my grandfather rescued from the rodeo circuit and who became a much loved member of our then strongly connected family.

I miss the laughter, the joy, and the love of what used to be my family; but it seems that with time our paths have all taken different directions; and time doesn’t heal all wounds.  But for me, the lessons of forgiveness (not forgiveness to help them, but forgiveness to free myself), love and loyalty increase.  I grow personally through the experiences of my life.  Even now as I am challenged with not being able to hear well, I find ways of appreciating the silence, realizing that perhaps I haven’t always listened as I should and that now it requires my full attention to speak with friends.  There are lessons in everything and through every person in our lives, the difference is whether we choose to acknowledge those lessons, learn from them, and grow.

Thought for today:  What lessons have you learned from a pet or a challenge?  Are you growing from that lesson or hardening yourself?

Name Numerology, What's in a Name?

Sebastian Barrett St.Troy - Just what is in a name?  What does your name say about your personality, what do others believe about you when they hear your name?  A name is a vibration, a melody, an impression, and an influence.  As a believer in Numerology, there are times when I take a moment to reflect upon my name, who I am, and how I'm perceived.  Here's my name numerology, derived Hans Decoz's Numerology Tutorials and software.

NUMEROLOGY CHART for: 

Sebastian Barrett St.Troy

Name:                                 Sebastian Barrett St.Troy 

Born:                                                           5/30/1962 

Full name at birth:                         Jimmy Lynn Boney 

Life Path Number: 17/8

• Sebastian Barrett, you are gifted with natural leadership and the capacity to accumulate great wealth.  You have great talent for management in all areas of life, especially in business and financial matters.  You understand the material world; you intuitively know what makes virtually any enterprise work.  Your talent lies not with the bookkeeping or petty management, but with the greater vision, its purpose, and long range goals.
• You are a visionary and a bit reckless.  You possess the ability to inspire people to join you in your quest, but often they are incapable of seeing what you see.  Therefore, those around you need your continual guidance, inspiration, and encouragement.  You must prod them into action and direct them along the lines of your vision. You attract financial success more than any other Life Path, but effort is required.
•  Sebastian Barrett, your challenge in life is to achieve a high degree of detachment, to understand that power and influence must be used for the benefit of mankind.  Those born with the Number 8 Life Path, who do not understand the real and relative value of money are bound to suffer the consequences of greed; they run the risk of losing it all!
•  You must learn to bounce back from failures and defeats. You have the character and resilience of a true survivor.  It is not uncommon for a person with your Life Path to experience major reverses, including bankruptcies, financial failure, but you also have the talent and the sheer guts to make more than one fortune, and build many successful enterprises.  More than most people, your failures in marriage can be extremely expensive for you.
• Despite the difficulties that life presents, you will experience the satisfaction that comes from material wealth and the power that comes with it.
• Business, finance, real estate, law, science (particularly history, archeology, and physics), publishing, and the management of large institutions are among the vocational fields that suit you best.  You are naturally attracted to positions of influence and leadership -- Politics, social work, and teaching are among the many other areas where your abilities can shine.
•     You are a good judge of character, which aids you well in attracting the right people to you.  Most 8s like large families and sometimes tend to keep others dependent longer than necessary.  Although jovial in nature you are not demonstrative in showing your love and affection.
• The desire for luxury and comfort is especially strong in you.  Status is very important.  You must be careful to avoid living above your means.
• Sebastian Barrett, your Life Path treads that dangerous ground where power lies; and can corrupt.  You may become too self important, arrogant, and domineering, thinking that your way is the only way.  This leads inevitably to isolation and conflict.  The people you run the risk of hurting most are those you love, your family and friends.
• Be careful of becoming stubborn, intolerant, overbearing, and impatient.  These characteristics may be born early in the life of an 8 Life Path, who often learn these negative traits after suffering under a tyrannical parent or a family burdened by repressive religious or intellectual dogmas.
• Those with the 8 Life Path usually possess a strong physique, which is a symptom of their inherent strength and resiliency.

Birthday Number: 30

• You have a highly developed creative talent.  You are an artist at heart.  You could excel in writing, visual, or performing arts. If you are not professionally involved in one of these areas, you should consider taking up art as a hobby.
• You are highly imaginative, quick-witted, and possess the gift gab.  You have great enthusiasm.  Others find you inspiring, charming and charismatic.  You are a wonderful salesman.  You are friendly and sociable, affectionate and loving.  You can also be moody and subject to rapid ups and downs.
• You have a fine sense of harmony and art in everything that you do - from your dress to the way you decorate your home.  You have a gift with plants and flower arranging.  You can make a wonderful interior designer and a fine cook.
• You can waste your talent in too much socializing and not enough focus and discipline, however.  Be careful not to waste time and energy on trivial matters.  Keep your long-term priorities in perspective.

Expression Number: 16/7

• Sebastian Barrett, you are gifted with an analytical mind and an enormous appetite for the answers to life's hidden questions.  You have a strong interest in exploring scientific matters, philosophy, and even mysticism.  You possess clarity and persistence in your search for truth.  You can be a great researcher, educator, and philosopher.
• You are driven by a desire for knowledge and truth.  You must learn to discriminate between illusion and reality, but you are well equipped for this task.  Your fine mind offers you insight into the veiled mysteries of life.  You also possess a considerable amount of perspective.  Somewhere inside you, you are aware of a peaceful place that you call upon during difficult times.
• Sebastian Barrett, you need time to be by yourself.  Too much social interaction causes you stress.  You need your privacy and a place that can be shut off from the hustle and bustle of life.  You tend to keep your thoughts to yourself and are secretive.  Unless your 7 expression is balanced by extrovert characteristics (usually revealed by the numbers 1, 3, 5, and 8), your introversion may pull you deeply within yourself, even cutting you off from others.
• You have a strong dislike of the superficial and mundane.  You are often surprised by the lack of understanding or depth of knowledge of others, many of whom do not take the search for knowledge as seriously as you do.  This can cause you to be critical of others and even cynical about life in general.
• The more cut off from others you become, the more hidden are your motives.  Once you develop understanding of people and life, your advice and counsel will be sought by those around you who need your wisdom.
• You love to specialize your knowledge and develop great depth within your field.  You are a perfectionist.
• You should complete your studies early in life and not be driven too hard by a desire to be successful.  Let things come at their own pace, be open to opportunity, but remember your rewards, satisfaction, and contentment come from a higher source.
• Sevens can be distant and aloof.  When dominated by their darker characteristics, they can be unfaithful, dishonest, and cruel.  Contemplation, meditation, and the softer, finer vibrations of life can restore your sense of harmony and keep you on the path to peace and balance.
• Sebastian Barrett, you have a logical mind.  Your analytical skills cause you to approach a problem in a detached, surgical kind of way.  Researchers, analysts, investigators, inventors, technicians, scholars, lawyers, bankers, watchmakers, priests, philosophers, theologians, and administrators in some scientific or technical field are among the vocations 7s are drawn to.

Minor Expression Number: 12/3

• Your short name increases your capacity to enjoy life.  It boosts your optimism, cheerfulness, good taste, and an interest in sports. 
• You communicate more easily and your sense of humor is enhanced.  You are inspiring company, often motivating and uplifting others.
• Your artistic ability - especially your facility with words - is increased.
• The three is a happy-go-lucky number, which, on the negative side, can make you avoid difficulties and try to find the easy way out of challenges.

Heart's Desire Number: 25/7

• Freedom is essential for your happiness.  Sebastian Barrett, you love change, new experiences, meeting new people, adventure and travel.  You love the exotic, far-away places.  Variety is more than mere spice of life -- you thrive on it.  You are extremely flexible and adaptable.  You have more curiosity than the proverbial cat.  You have a sharp mind and a natural ability with words.  You are a born communicator, clear, fluent, and imaginative in every area that interests you -- which are many!
• Your Heart's Desire makes you very well equipped for life.  Change -- the only constant in life -- doesn't threaten you, as it does other people.  You are highly resourceful.  Generally, you can think clearly in a crisis; you have good mental and physical reflexes.  Whenever you fall, you tend to land on your feet.
• Sebastian Barrett, you are highly enthusiastic.  You get excited easily over a new idea or opportunity.  Your nature is unconventional.  You are a bit of a gambler, taking risks whenever you think the rewards are worth it.
• You are very socially oriented and rarely, if ever, dull or boring.  You are, of course, drawn to those people who, like yourself, are original thinkers and have exciting personalities.
• Sebastian Barrett, you enjoy being involved in several projects at the same time.  You need continual stimulation by the new and fascinating.  You tend to discard boring pastimes quickly.
• Your love of freedom and change can have numerous consequences.  You can be irresponsible, especially when it comes to finishing tasks.  You have a hard time persevering at a given project and bringing it to completion.
• You must be careful that your love of sensory pleasure doesn't lead you to excessive indulgence in alcohol, food, sex, and even drugs.
• Sebastian Barrett, you are a bit of a hero and want to save the world.  This causes you to make promises you often cannot keep.  Down deep, you long to please everyone, an impossible goal.
• Many 5s can be emotionally superficial.  They feel love passionately, but fear making deep and lasting commitments.  As a result, they resist the depths of emotional attachments and remain on the surface where it is safe.
• You will experience many changes and unusual events, but you learn best through experience.  Therefore, your life will be full and you will make great strides in personal growth.

Minor Heart's Desire Number: 28/1

• With a 1 Minor Heart 's Desire, you draw from yourself more strength and determination. You try to be more original, innovative, and independent. You value courage and the will to meet adversity head on.
• You are more willing to lead, and less willing to follow. You are less easily influenced and intimidated. You are willing to stand alone and are better able to fight for what you think is right.

Personality Number: 18/9

• You have an impressive and aristocratic bearing.  No matter how tall you are, you appear noble and upright.  You are very much in control of the image you send out to others.
• Many actors, dancers, and other performers have a 9 Personality Number.  You are elegant, graceful, and charismatic.  Many admire you.  You have the kind of stature that pulls people to you or repels them intensely.  Some are jealous of you and may seek to belittle you.  You may encourage this to some extent by the amount of arrogance you radiate.  This is a caution for all 9 Personalities - they are sometimes aloof and hold themselves above the world.  Your challenge is to come down to earth with your fellow man.  Conversely, you have a great compassion for humanity and want to dedicate yourself to improving the lot of others.  You are better when dealing with the trials of the many than the trouble of a single person.  You are more capable of working on the grand scale, addressing the needs of society, than on a one-to-one basis.
• You are kind and sympathetic, helpful and compassionate.  Behind the controlled and calm facade, you are sensitive, vulnerable and emotional.  You have excellent taste.  There is a good deal of artistic talent in you that shows in your home environment and your clothing.  You tend to see yourself as a guardian of society, a benevolent leader, guiding and directing your community toward a better world.

Maturity Number: 15/6

• As you mature, you will become increasingly concerned with the well-being of family, friends, and community.  You will be drawn to the role as healer, counselor, and teacher.  You have a growing ability to give comfort and sound advice to those in need.
• You naturally assume the role of patriarch or matriarch of those in your care, no matter how old they are.  You become more responsible and protective.  You may well become involved in environmental protection, volunteer work or politics.
• You are naturally idealistic and strive to realize those ideals as you grow in maturity and in personal resources.
• Your careful and balanced approach to business and financial matters provides you with sound and secure success later in life.  The 6 maturity number provides an outstanding financial foundation for the future.
• In addition, the influence of the 6 promises an old age surrounded by loved ones.
• For those who have few 6s in the chart, or none at all, this Maturity Number promises the close relationships that you have strived for most of your life.

Hidden Passion Number(s): 5

• You love travel, change, and new challenges.  You are highly adaptable and versatile.  You have a talent for languages, and are generally good with words.  Writing, promotion, and public relations work suit you perfectly.
• You are sensual and a bit impulsive.  You love to satisfy your senses, which can get you into trouble. Overindulgence in food, drink, sex, and drugs are common among people with too many 5s - six or more.
• You are resourceful and original.  You have a good sense of humor and a quick tongue.
• Your desire for freedom is extremely strong and it will take effort and discipline to stick with whatever it is you started.  There is a tendency to give up a project or situation prematurely.
• You may be interested in too many things, which can make it hard for you to apply yourself to one area successfully.
• You are very unconventional.
• Commitment in relationships and your work is fundamental to your happiness.  You may have a tendency to wander from person to person, job to job, making depth of relationship or deep expertise difficult.

Planes of Expression: Physical Number:  13/4

• You have a great deal of energy an determination. You are eminently practical and organized. You are good with details and able to stick to routine procedures.
• You have excellent concentration and are quite serious. You can be tenacious when confronted with an obstacle or an adversary.
• You are loyal and honest, warm and generous. You dislike changes and can be rigid and inflexible. You are a good debater. You must control your desire to dominate people and situations.
• You appreciate traditions and well established routines.

Mental Number:  10/1

• Your mind is very sharp and quick, coming up with good and innovative ideas in a flash. You process information quickly, but tend to put it in short-term memory. You use information for a specific purpose, but forget it quickly when it no longer has any relevance to your immediate needs.
• You are the proverbial quick study. You pick up information like a vacuum, and may have a facility with languages.
• You are extremely original. You love moving into the frontier of any enterprise to come up with innovative methods. You are a ground-breaker.
• You are witty and charming. You get bored easily.

Emotional Number:  17/8

• Your emotions are powerful, and you tend to dominate in your personal and business relationships.
• You are likely to be the controlling partner in any relationship.
• You are highly ambitious. You are driven by your competitive instincts. You tend to be status conscious and want to show the world your success.
• Money and power are integral parts of your life. You dream of big things in life - heading corporations, building big businesses, directing large numbers of people.

Intuitive Number:  3

• You are very original, imaginative and sometimes have fantastic ideas about spiritual matters. You are very artistic and inspiring. You have a talent with words, and may be drawn to the pulpit.
• Your intuition is above average but you tend to color and exaggerate your insights.

Balance Number:  6

• Your strength lies with understanding people and the underlying conditions of a conflict. But you can rely too heavily on friends and family to provide you solace instead of handling the situation directly and responsibly. You may be too likely to retreat to the good feelings provided by people not involved in your situation.
• Responsibility is the issue here. You helped create the situation in the first place, and are an essential part of the solution. Accept your role.

Rational Thought Number: 55/1

• You are an independent thinker, original, and not easily influenced by others. You tend to pursue a line of thought stubbornly, and you can be dominating in intellectual discussions.
• You tend to solve problems and plan projects with a straight-forward approach. You rarely allow yourself to be distracted.  Quite often, you realize at some later stage, that you did not pay enough attention to the available alternatives, and a project may find itself stuck with no chance of further advancement.  When you find yourself facing such a situation, your frustration tends to be considerable but of short duration.  You simply start all over. You do not give up easily.

Cornerstone Letter: J

Your J is for Justice. You are honest, loyal, reliable and sincere. You want to improve the lives of others. You may try too hard to please everyone. You have a clever mind and are very talented. However, you have to work at motivating yourself to make the most of your talents.

Subconscious Self Number: 8

You handle unexpected situations in an efficient manner and often manage to get the best out of it. You learn quickly and usually do not repeat the same mistakes. You want to be rewarded for your efforts and relate your success to the material aspects. You are dependable and solid in almost any kind of situation. You do not panic or scare easily. You have a business-like attitude to problems and realize quickly what needs to be done. You have a good understanding of money and matter. You are a survivor. You show leadership and organization and are physically courageous and competent.

Fourth Pinnacle Cycle (from age 47 to 55):  5

• This is a period that will teach the realities of freedom and expansion.  You will travel great distances, meet many new and interesting people, experience many adventures, and essentially come to know the world.  You are in a period of accelerated experimentation and learning. Experience is your teacher.
• Your ability with words is greatly increased.  You can write and speak with ease.  You are also able to successfully promote yourself.  In fact, this is the source of much adventure; new opportunities for work, travel, and exotic experiences present themselves with regularity.
• Your challenge is to prevent yourself from becoming a rolling stone.  You need to ground yourself in a particular discipline, career, or relationship.  This will not limit your freedoms so much as give you a base for operation.  Otherwise, you may find yourself skipping from one meaningless job to the next, one superficial relationship after another.  You can also fall victim to the abuse of food, alcohol, sex, or drugs.
• You may fear being anchored or tied down, which can cause you to skim the surface of a pursuit you enjoy, or important relationships.
• You must come to know the true meaning of freedom, which is unconditional love.  You give your love and energy without the condition of holding on to a place, a person, or an occupation; and you expect the same in return - to be loved for what you are, rather than someone who belongs to another.  There is a highly spiritual path offering itself that requires detachment without loss of love.
• Many turn away from this and instead choose to maintain a superficial relationship with the world, or with other people.
• You must cultivate your talents, especially your verbal and writing abilities.  You are likely a gifted salesperson, or promoter.
• You must accept limitations as a necessary base for your freedom.  Freedom cannot exist without limitations; otherwise, you would be without identity, and without existence.

Thought for today:  What does your name say about you?  To all my friends, Is this an accurate representation of who I am, who you believe me to be?

The Five Senses

Five senses, touch, smell, taste, sight, and hearing.  Many of us take these senses for granted, that is until we loose one of them or experience technical difficulties.  Over the years I've learned to appreciate the gift of sight, especially after loosing it back in 2003 for 6 months and having vision challenges ever since.  Now there is a new challenge, an opportunity, to learn and express appreciation for another of our valued senses, that of hearing.  Many months have passed as the constant ringing in my ears grows louder and more frustrating, almost to the point of insanity.  With this 'ringing' has come a substantial loss of hearing, a fact confirmed by the Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor and his numerous tests yesterday.  He didn't provide any new information, as I already knew I was having increased difficulty in hearing, but thought it was due to something that could be fixed.  His report showed that there was nothing wrong with my hearing, just that I had the hearing loss, for me a substantial loss.  The audiologist suggested several types of hearing aids, so I listened to the best of my ability.  "Um, so I cannot hear?" is the question I kept asking myself all day, along with, "What do I do now?"  Medicare doesn't cover the cost of many things, like dental and hearing aids.  I'm surprised that such things aren't covered.  With the costs of hearing aids ranging from a low of $1,500 to a high of many thousands, I can logically understand; however, emotionally I struggled.

How do others pay for hearing aids, why do other people that have them not use them, and so many other questions raced through my mind as I began accepting the fact that I wouldn't be able to hear normally again.  I'm 48, relatively healthy, and wonder how others would perceive me when wearing a hearing aid.  After a day of realizing that what others thought wasn't the important factor, what I needed and what I wanted in order to hear again was important.  I've come to terms with my vision being blurry, having ghost images when I see things, and difficulty with seeing at night; so now I have to begin coming to terms with the fact that I'll be wearing hearing aids.  As a friend put it, "you don't need to hear, you can see, be thankful for that."  I conferred and acknowledged that indeed, even with my vision problems, I was thankful that I could see.  I might miss hearing the leaves rustle in the wind, the song bird chirping in the early morning hours, or even the pleasure of enjoying a simple conversation with a friend; but there is one thing I know, and that is that there are options.

The first option is to follow through with the MRI the doctor desires to see if there is any reason for the sudden hearing loss within my brain, which there easily could be after my brain swole to almost imploding back in 2003.  The second option is to seek alternative healing, such as acupuncture, herbs, etc.; which I have decided to do.  The third option is to find affordable hearing aids and/or seek financial assistance that might be available to purchase them.  I'll keep working through the options until I find a way of hearing better, as that is the one thing I desire at this moment.

There are some benefits with this new issue.  No longer hearing all of the sounds around me, I've begun to listen to my own thoughts a bit more.  Some might consider this dangerous, especially for me, but with the creation of the new company, writing the new book, and with them so many things to accomplish that I'm needing to be able to focus more on all of my thoughts.  I'm surprised with just how many thoughts cross my mind within very short periods of time.  Now the fun begins, the excitement builds, and the challenges are faced with greater clarity of purpose.

Thought for today:  Have you begun to take your senses for granted?  What would happen if suddenly you couldn't hear, see, taste, smell, or touch?

The Great New Adventure

Disoriented, dizzy, clouded sight, and funny confusion seem to welcome the mornings for the last two days, the first two days of my new HIV medication, Atripla.  For all of you who follow my Blog regularly, especially over the last many years, then I’m sure you’re either sitting back laughing, asking yourself why is he it doing it, and is he going to be committed to this one.  Jump inside my head for a moment (my best friend Jorge, even though he’s no longer my friend, had a comment when I asked him to get inside my head for a moment, “I’m not sure I could handle being inside your brain, there’s too much going on inside of there; and I’m not sure I could handle it all.”)  So at great risk of getting lost or losing your own mind, I ask, step inside my mind for a moment. 

For the first time throughout my life, other than the times of old with my grandmother, I have people that really care about me, that love me, and that want to see me succeed.  One has gone far enough to enough to even start a new company with me.  Therefore, I’m not going to let anyone down this time, frankly I’m tired of always feeling that I’ve let people down over the years because of health issues, my bi-polar disorder, and my travels; not to mention this strange struggle I have with possessions.  My old friend and also doctor Jamie Vaquez and I had a talk about my latest HIV related blood work results and it is the time to make a decision – to either not take any medications and let the disease continue on its course knowing the end results or start taking medication to improve my health. 

The one HIV medication, the only pill, that is available on the market (something I don’t understand why more options like this one pill don’t exist) is Atripla, which is literally one pill taken once a day.  The risk of me taking this medication is that I’ve taken Sustiva before and within six months I was in the mental ward of the hospital due to a suicide attempt.  Sustiva so altered my personality that I was out of control mentally, but it did a great job controlling the HIV.  Dr. Jaime said he’d prescribe this one for me, but only if I could get some true friends to help watch me over the coming months.  Many hours later as I pondered over who to ask for help, I wrote an email to the four people that have the most contact with me, people I trust and admire for various reasons.  I’ve never been the sort to really talk about my health issues to anyone, so this meant exposing myself in a way I hadn’t before – being open and honest about what I needed and asking others for help.

This morning is a bit confusing because it is taking a bit to find any mental focus, let alone find stability in doing normal things, so I’m lying in the bed typing (yes, I know, something I teach my clients not to do) on my computer.  I hope that my body and brain will adjust to this new medication soon and the mornings won’t be like this for long.  In time I hope to have improved health that will allow me to work towards creating something that is more than myself, a gift to the world of myself and my teachings. 

The other day as Marie and I sat in Barnes & Nobles reading books about Home Staging, Feng Shui, and Interior Design (aka, the competition), she mentioned she would be happy as being listed as the Editor on the new book and asked me to think about it.  I stopped for a moment, didn’t say anything, and then said, “OK, I’ve thought about it.  You’re the Co-Author!”  I know why Marie made this request, however, I know that if it wasn’t for Marie’s guidance, trust, and grounding then I wouldn’t be this far with the new book.  I’ve always known that in order for me to succeed in life I had to find someone to partner with (it’s part of my Karmic Debt and such) that could assist me in doing what I was meant to do in this physical realm.  For the first time I have a business partner, someone I trust and have respect for, someone I believe to have an understanding of who I am and can work with me.  There aren’t a lot of people who can handle this, believe me.

The development of the new company, Architectural Energy Initiative, along with the new book seems to be the foundation for something wonderful.  For the first time I feel empowered to do more, so we’re looking into becoming a TREC approved educator and offer C.E.U. credits for Realtors, looking into offering Home Staging Training and Certifications, creating “How to” videos on various topics, and so much more.  The excitement and the possibility of this new company not only finding its place, but also setting the stage for others, was the key to my recent decision about taking the HIV medication.  So now, the next adventure begins, but this time at home.

I miss my friendship with Jorge, but know that people grow apart and each have their own paths to follow, so blessings to you Jorge as you find your way and should our paths cross again you'll find open and welcoming arms of an old friend.

The new book, new company, and my grandmother

"You just have to keep going until you get it finished/" often times was the comment from my grandmother.  She was the one person that I truly felt loved by, supported by, and encouraged by.  There are often times that I allow the thought of what my life would have been like if I had stayed living in rural Louisiana with her, but I'm always reminded that we have a destiny, we cannot run from it.  I am the person I am today because of the experiences and people in my life over the last 48 years.  Each experience, every person, and every decision I've made has molded me, shaped me, and taken me to the exact moment where I was meant to be.  Even now I know that my grandmother is with me in all that I do.  Her energy is with me always.  I miss her physical presence and all the laughter and fun we shared.

Now with the creation of the new company with my client, Marie Walker, I'll be able to achieve some of my dreams.  Marie has been instrumental in guiding me into knowing how to write my books and even though she may not realize it yet, she's provided great insight and clarity for what I do to help others.  I may say 'my' book, but it is actually our book, as without Marie I don't think I would have gotten this far.  Her questions, outlines, suggestions and comments have allowed the first of two books to be almost completed (well, the rough draft anyways.).  I was reminded by someone that as I wrote the book the name would eventually come to me, to just start writing with a working title that provides the foundation for what I'm writing.  That's what I've done, write.  The other day while writing, and after a comment from Marie about finding a way to put my personality into the book, the name jumped out.  Excited about the name and realizing in order to meet our publishing date, I began working on the book's layout.  Soon, Marie and I will be working with Shannon T. Schmitz on writing the special section on Selling the house, which will include information about how to select and work with your Realtor and what to expect during the selling process.  I'm very excited to have Shannon working with us, not to mention the various other talented people that have agreed to work with us, on the first book.  Here's the current concept for the first book:

Something I hadn't anticipated, thought about, or even imagined, was the creation of a new company that would handle the responsibilities of the new books, the various websites for the books, and that could take over from St.Troy Consulting.  From Marie's words the name emerged for the new company, so please allow me a moment to introduce the Architectural Energy Initiative, LLC.  Some have commented that the name sounds corporate, others asked if it encompassed everything we do, and my response has been, "Yes, it does sound corporate, big, and with a strong foundation.  A company that could be recognized as possessing the talent to produce books, websites, and anything we could imagine that deals with the nature of Architecture and how energy or Ch'I flows through the spaces we create.  Feng Shui has been the foundation principle for St.Troy Consulting and has allowed me to assist a great deal of people to either sell homes or create life altering spaces.  Now the new company, A.E.I., will be positioned to take my work even further, with the intention of finding ways to help people create spaces that inspire, that are experiences, and that can alter their lives.

Today, as I prepare to drive back to Austin, I'm reminded of just how wonderful Austin is and what incredible friends and clients I have there.  Ever since the move to Dallas, a move that didn't resonate well, I've been forced to take a look at who I have become, what I want, and to acknowledge my mortal state.  My intuition says to get out of Dallas and get back to Austin quickly, as that is where I should be.  Therefore, I'm believing that the Universe (some of you may say God or the Divine) will open the doors and provide not only the means to move back, but also the place I can afford and the things that I'll need to continue with the creation of the new company and the writing of the books.  For now, I'm excited about being able to be back in Austin, having booked some appointments with old and new clients, and being able to work with Marie.  Austin, here I come.