Disoriented, dizzy, clouded sight, and funny confusion seem to welcome the mornings for the last two days, the first two days of my new HIV medication, Atripla. For all of you who follow my Blog regularly, especially over the last many years, then I’m sure you’re either sitting back laughing, asking yourself why is he it doing it, and is he going to be committed to this one. Jump inside my head for a moment (my best friend Jorge, even though he’s no longer my friend, had a comment when I asked him to get inside my head for a moment, “I’m not sure I could handle being inside your brain, there’s too much going on inside of there; and I’m not sure I could handle it all.”) So at great risk of getting lost or losing your own mind, I ask, step inside my mind for a moment.
For the first time throughout my life, other than the times of old with my grandmother, I have people that really care about me, that love me, and that want to see me succeed. One has gone far enough to enough to even start a new company with me. Therefore, I’m not going to let anyone down this time, frankly I’m tired of always feeling that I’ve let people down over the years because of health issues, my bi-polar disorder, and my travels; not to mention this strange struggle I have with possessions. My old friend and also doctor Jamie Vaquez and I had a talk about my latest HIV related blood work results and it is the time to make a decision – to either not take any medications and let the disease continue on its course knowing the end results or start taking medication to improve my health.
The one HIV medication, the only pill, that is available on the market (something I don’t understand why more options like this one pill don’t exist) is Atripla, which is literally one pill taken once a day. The risk of me taking this medication is that I’ve taken Sustiva before and within six months I was in the mental ward of the hospital due to a suicide attempt. Sustiva so altered my personality that I was out of control mentally, but it did a great job controlling the HIV. Dr. Jaime said he’d prescribe this one for me, but only if I could get some true friends to help watch me over the coming months. Many hours later as I pondered over who to ask for help, I wrote an email to the four people that have the most contact with me, people I trust and admire for various reasons. I’ve never been the sort to really talk about my health issues to anyone, so this meant exposing myself in a way I hadn’t before – being open and honest about what I needed and asking others for help.
This morning is a bit confusing because it is taking a bit to find any mental focus, let alone find stability in doing normal things, so I’m lying in the bed typing (yes, I know, something I teach my clients not to do) on my computer. I hope that my body and brain will adjust to this new medication soon and the mornings won’t be like this for long. In time I hope to have improved health that will allow me to work towards creating something that is more than myself, a gift to the world of myself and my teachings.
The other day as Marie and I sat in Barnes & Nobles reading books about Home Staging, Feng Shui, and Interior Design (aka, the competition), she mentioned she would be happy as being listed as the Editor on the new book and asked me to think about it. I stopped for a moment, didn’t say anything, and then said, “OK, I’ve thought about it. You’re the Co-Author!” I know why Marie made this request, however, I know that if it wasn’t for Marie’s guidance, trust, and grounding then I wouldn’t be this far with the new book. I’ve always known that in order for me to succeed in life I had to find someone to partner with (it’s part of my Karmic Debt and such) that could assist me in doing what I was meant to do in this physical realm. For the first time I have a business partner, someone I trust and have respect for, someone I believe to have an understanding of who I am and can work with me. There aren’t a lot of people who can handle this, believe me.
The development of the new company, Architectural Energy Initiative, along with the new book seems to be the foundation for something wonderful. For the first time I feel empowered to do more, so we’re looking into becoming a TREC approved educator and offer C.E.U. credits for Realtors, looking into offering Home Staging Training and Certifications, creating “How to” videos on various topics, and so much more. The excitement and the possibility of this new company not only finding its place, but also setting the stage for others, was the key to my recent decision about taking the HIV medication. So now, the next adventure begins, but this time at home.
I miss my friendship with Jorge, but know that people grow apart and each have their own paths to follow, so blessings to you Jorge as you find your way and should our paths cross again you'll find open and welcoming arms of an old friend.
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