Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The Great New Adventure

Disoriented, dizzy, clouded sight, and funny confusion seem to welcome the mornings for the last two days, the first two days of my new HIV medication, Atripla.  For all of you who follow my Blog regularly, especially over the last many years, then I’m sure you’re either sitting back laughing, asking yourself why is he it doing it, and is he going to be committed to this one.  Jump inside my head for a moment (my best friend Jorge, even though he’s no longer my friend, had a comment when I asked him to get inside my head for a moment, “I’m not sure I could handle being inside your brain, there’s too much going on inside of there; and I’m not sure I could handle it all.”)  So at great risk of getting lost or losing your own mind, I ask, step inside my mind for a moment. 

For the first time throughout my life, other than the times of old with my grandmother, I have people that really care about me, that love me, and that want to see me succeed.  One has gone far enough to enough to even start a new company with me.  Therefore, I’m not going to let anyone down this time, frankly I’m tired of always feeling that I’ve let people down over the years because of health issues, my bi-polar disorder, and my travels; not to mention this strange struggle I have with possessions.  My old friend and also doctor Jamie Vaquez and I had a talk about my latest HIV related blood work results and it is the time to make a decision – to either not take any medications and let the disease continue on its course knowing the end results or start taking medication to improve my health. 

The one HIV medication, the only pill, that is available on the market (something I don’t understand why more options like this one pill don’t exist) is Atripla, which is literally one pill taken once a day.  The risk of me taking this medication is that I’ve taken Sustiva before and within six months I was in the mental ward of the hospital due to a suicide attempt.  Sustiva so altered my personality that I was out of control mentally, but it did a great job controlling the HIV.  Dr. Jaime said he’d prescribe this one for me, but only if I could get some true friends to help watch me over the coming months.  Many hours later as I pondered over who to ask for help, I wrote an email to the four people that have the most contact with me, people I trust and admire for various reasons.  I’ve never been the sort to really talk about my health issues to anyone, so this meant exposing myself in a way I hadn’t before – being open and honest about what I needed and asking others for help.

This morning is a bit confusing because it is taking a bit to find any mental focus, let alone find stability in doing normal things, so I’m lying in the bed typing (yes, I know, something I teach my clients not to do) on my computer.  I hope that my body and brain will adjust to this new medication soon and the mornings won’t be like this for long.  In time I hope to have improved health that will allow me to work towards creating something that is more than myself, a gift to the world of myself and my teachings. 

The other day as Marie and I sat in Barnes & Nobles reading books about Home Staging, Feng Shui, and Interior Design (aka, the competition), she mentioned she would be happy as being listed as the Editor on the new book and asked me to think about it.  I stopped for a moment, didn’t say anything, and then said, “OK, I’ve thought about it.  You’re the Co-Author!”  I know why Marie made this request, however, I know that if it wasn’t for Marie’s guidance, trust, and grounding then I wouldn’t be this far with the new book.  I’ve always known that in order for me to succeed in life I had to find someone to partner with (it’s part of my Karmic Debt and such) that could assist me in doing what I was meant to do in this physical realm.  For the first time I have a business partner, someone I trust and have respect for, someone I believe to have an understanding of who I am and can work with me.  There aren’t a lot of people who can handle this, believe me.

The development of the new company, Architectural Energy Initiative, along with the new book seems to be the foundation for something wonderful.  For the first time I feel empowered to do more, so we’re looking into becoming a TREC approved educator and offer C.E.U. credits for Realtors, looking into offering Home Staging Training and Certifications, creating “How to” videos on various topics, and so much more.  The excitement and the possibility of this new company not only finding its place, but also setting the stage for others, was the key to my recent decision about taking the HIV medication.  So now, the next adventure begins, but this time at home.

I miss my friendship with Jorge, but know that people grow apart and each have their own paths to follow, so blessings to you Jorge as you find your way and should our paths cross again you'll find open and welcoming arms of an old friend.

Friday, November 19, 2010

The new book, new company, and my grandmother

"You just have to keep going until you get it finished/" often times was the comment from my grandmother.  She was the one person that I truly felt loved by, supported by, and encouraged by.  There are often times that I allow the thought of what my life would have been like if I had stayed living in rural Louisiana with her, but I'm always reminded that we have a destiny, we cannot run from it.  I am the person I am today because of the experiences and people in my life over the last 48 years.  Each experience, every person, and every decision I've made has molded me, shaped me, and taken me to the exact moment where I was meant to be.  Even now I know that my grandmother is with me in all that I do.  Her energy is with me always.  I miss her physical presence and all the laughter and fun we shared.

Now with the creation of the new company with my client, Marie Walker, I'll be able to achieve some of my dreams.  Marie has been instrumental in guiding me into knowing how to write my books and even though she may not realize it yet, she's provided great insight and clarity for what I do to help others.  I may say 'my' book, but it is actually our book, as without Marie I don't think I would have gotten this far.  Her questions, outlines, suggestions and comments have allowed the first of two books to be almost completed (well, the rough draft anyways.).  I was reminded by someone that as I wrote the book the name would eventually come to me, to just start writing with a working title that provides the foundation for what I'm writing.  That's what I've done, write.  The other day while writing, and after a comment from Marie about finding a way to put my personality into the book, the name jumped out.  Excited about the name and realizing in order to meet our publishing date, I began working on the book's layout.  Soon, Marie and I will be working with Shannon T. Schmitz on writing the special section on Selling the house, which will include information about how to select and work with your Realtor and what to expect during the selling process.  I'm very excited to have Shannon working with us, not to mention the various other talented people that have agreed to work with us, on the first book.  Here's the current concept for the first book:

Something I hadn't anticipated, thought about, or even imagined, was the creation of a new company that would handle the responsibilities of the new books, the various websites for the books, and that could take over from St.Troy Consulting.  From Marie's words the name emerged for the new company, so please allow me a moment to introduce the Architectural Energy Initiative, LLC.  Some have commented that the name sounds corporate, others asked if it encompassed everything we do, and my response has been, "Yes, it does sound corporate, big, and with a strong foundation.  A company that could be recognized as possessing the talent to produce books, websites, and anything we could imagine that deals with the nature of Architecture and how energy or Ch'I flows through the spaces we create.  Feng Shui has been the foundation principle for St.Troy Consulting and has allowed me to assist a great deal of people to either sell homes or create life altering spaces.  Now the new company, A.E.I., will be positioned to take my work even further, with the intention of finding ways to help people create spaces that inspire, that are experiences, and that can alter their lives.

Today, as I prepare to drive back to Austin, I'm reminded of just how wonderful Austin is and what incredible friends and clients I have there.  Ever since the move to Dallas, a move that didn't resonate well, I've been forced to take a look at who I have become, what I want, and to acknowledge my mortal state.  My intuition says to get out of Dallas and get back to Austin quickly, as that is where I should be.  Therefore, I'm believing that the Universe (some of you may say God or the Divine) will open the doors and provide not only the means to move back, but also the place I can afford and the things that I'll need to continue with the creation of the new company and the writing of the books.  For now, I'm excited about being able to be back in Austin, having booked some appointments with old and new clients, and being able to work with Marie.  Austin, here I come.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010


Thoughts of the book's outline were focused in my mind as I awoke early this morning, thus I immediately began working on them.  From what was to be one book has now turned into two books.  I'm excited to have a co-author, as I have the tendency to not complete things.  I suppose that is the problem with dreamers, they dream, provide the vision, and then jump to the next dream.  It is good to have people such as I, for we do provide those ideas and dreams to others who are more capable of taking those ideas and dreams and making weaving them into reality.

My focus lately has been on my living arrangements, and there is something I realized about myself.  It seems that when I focus on being without or in stress then I tend to search for faults in others.  This isn't a good trait, so I'm working on it now.  I think often of what I have given up over the years, mostly about everything I walked away from in Louisiana and the desire to regain it in some form.

Avoidance has been the issue, so I will now begin to face things more directly, especially people that I am having issues with.  My Tarot readings lately have indicated that I need to let go of old ways that have hindered my life, so it seems these two issues will have to be retired, with a new focus on better ways of dealing with things.

For now, I am working on the outlines for the two books, starting to write on one, and will be talking with my roommate to address some issues I've been avoiding.  I'm excited about working with Marie on the books and hope that the heartfelt desire to help people will also lead to some financial security.

Excitement rules today.  Thought for now:  What traits about yourself have you known needed changing, but haven't changed?

Friday, November 5, 2010

The Dark Point

Sitting quietly in the cold doctors office, meditating, a sound, a glance, and suddenly the sight and the thought caught my attention.  Thus, quickly pulling out my notebook and pen, I begin to write.  There is a valuable lesson here for anyone who can hear.  (The doctors appointment went well, now waiting for some test results and then decisions to make.)

The darkness, dark moments, have a point.  They lead us to that specific point in time so our focus has to be limited, narrowed.  As we reach that point, there is no other place to turn or hide, then we are still, forced to turn around and see.  Turning around we can see everything that is available to us, clearly lighted and shown.  Through the darkness all of our hopes, dreams and desires are illuminated by the light; thus allowing us to clearly see where we want to head, to be.  Here in the darkest of dark places we see with greater vision, not with the eyes, your whole essence.
The Point of Darkness, an illustration showing how loosing focus can lead us back to the point of darkness.

Some are afraid of the darkest places within, however, I've learned to trust these dark places even when I know the pittfalls, traps, and dangers within.  I see my true fears, my faults, my challenges; in essence, I see me fully and completely as me.  Sometimes captive there until I can face the truths about these darkest aspects of self and able to turn to look into the light of love once more.  Now with a "light" on where I am heading, where I want to be, there is clear focus and insight in how to get out of the darkness and to that one space I long to be.

Often times while we are basking in the light we begin to loose focus and grounding by looking around at all the other options.  Then as we set our eyes upon something more brilliantly illuminated we loose focus and begin to sway, almost like soaring, away from our private destiny.  Learning to stay grounded and our intentions clearly in view guides us.  However, when we soar, fly, or meander into other aspects of the light there is the strong tendency to end up in a shadow, usually the shadow of another person.  There are times when we need to soar a bit, the key is keeping our sight on our own intentions and remain grounded.  Feel free to fly, to soar, to meander, but only when the sky is fully open and the meadows are wide and green.

Should we find ourselves in the shadows of others while we exploring again, there can be the pull back into the darkness, to that dark point.  We should appreciate the dark places.  Don't be afraid of the darkness, both within and without, as the darkness is part of everything and in everything; it is our friend.